As he lifted the brush to his hair again, he stopped. Took a good long look at himself. The vaguest streaks of gray were beginning to show at one temple, but otherwise his hair was perfectly in place as it had been for the past three years. It made him look very professional, very Starfleet. In fact, he looked the epitamy of the consumate Starfleet officer.

He lowered the brush to his side, giving himself a more critical once-over. Not sure he liked what he saw. In all this Starfleet pomp, where the hell was Chakotay? Had he left that behind over the years, a gradual turning away? Didn’t the facts speak for themselves? He hardly consulted his spirit guide, anymore. His life had been absorbed in supporting Starfleet protocol and his captain. His captain... He’d gradually lost her, too. There was a time when he’d thought that she felt something for him, that the image he now portrayed was what she wanted. He wondered if she every really even saw him nowadays.

A spark of defiance washed over him, a rebelling against the vanishing of the bits that identified him as more than so much scenery. He threw the color enhancer into the recycler. The gray was his, and he liked it. It was here to stay.

As he walked the corridors toward the bridge, there was something different in his stride. When was it that he’d developed that unobstrusive gait; as if he were leery of overstepping his boundaries? Almost ferociously, he threw it off and moved freely and with confidence into the turbo-lift.

He called a cheery good-morning to all who were on hand, and settled into his seat. The captain turned to offer a belated good-morning, and her words seemed to stick in her throat. A small frown marred her brow.

“Something wrong, Captain?” Chakotay asked with a grin that he knew was infectious. She smiled almost against her will, shaking her head bemusedly. Chakotay accepted that answer. Life was looking up.

Throughout the morning he felt Kathryn’s eyes fall on him at odd moments. She was obviously trying to discover what he was up to. He realized with surprise that his newfound rebellion had been perceived as his hiding some lovely secret from her.  He wondered how long it would be before curiousity got the better of her and she tried to get the information out of him.

He didn’t have to wait long. As lunch neared, she leaned over their central console and invited him to a working lunch at which they could review crew reports in concert. He offered a friendly smile and agreed.

When they settled at the sofa in her ready room, her gaze lingered over him. “You’ve done something different with your hair haven’t you?”

Chakotay pinned her with a look and shrugged. “Stopped the treatments.”

“Treatments?” Kathryn looked confused.

“It used to be gray, Kathryn. Don’t tell me you don’t remember.” It was worse than he’d thought. But at least she was looking at him, now. Really looking.

“I...do,” Kathryn said, her brow crinkling with mild confusion as she laughed. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. I guess it’s just that I’d forgotten.”

“I’m shocked that my closest and dearest friend could forget such an intimate detail,” Chakotay said with feigned hurt. “More wine?”

“Mmmm, yes,” Kathryn said, still watching him, her expression an odd mixture of curiousity and surprise.

Chakotay obliged.

At the end of duty shift, Chakotay rose from his seat. He could feel Kathryn's eyes following as he headed for the turbo lift. She still hadn't dragged whatever secret she thought the was keeping out of him. It was making her crazy. He was loving it.

When she arrived at his door ten minutes later, he was expecting it. "What can I do for you, Kathryn?” he asked mildly, glad he’d gotten out of the uniform in time. She seemed taken aback  by his casual attire. It was good for her, he decided.

“You didn’t waste any time did you?” she asked.

“Sometimes you have to step out of the armor.” Chakotay shrugged. “Care for something to eat, drink?”

“Uh...no, thanks,” Kathryn seemed to be out of sorts, trying to grasp her reason for coming.

Chakotay kept his distance as she sorted herself out. But preventing a self-satisfied smile from appearing was proving to be a difficult task. Tilting his head to one side, he shot her one of his patented ‘looks’. “Have a seat.” Which she did, looking confused all the while.

Then, shaking herself, she turned toward him. “I think I would like a drink.”

Chakotay nodded and moved toward the replicator. While he did she began talking.

“It’s been an interesting day hasn’t it?” she asked casually.

“Oh, definitely,” he responded. “Quite revealing.”

“Mmm,” Kathryn nodded, accepting her drink.

The silence was heavy for several seconds.

“Would you like to ask me something, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked.

She looked ready to deny it, then laughed. “I think the question is, Do you have something you want to tell me, Chakotay.”

Chakotay considered that for a moment. Then in a low, warm voice.  “There are a lot of things I want to tell you, Kathryn.”

“Really?” she asked. Her face skewed up, at odds with the warm in his tone and the actual words he’d spoken. “Like what?”

Chakotay grinned. “Oh, like...” he drew the response out. Then pinning her with a serious expression, “Like, when was the last time you talked to your animal guide.”

“Oh, longer than I care to admit, actually.” Kathryn seemed mildly dissapointed, and Chakotay wondered what she’d been expecting him to say, what she’d *wanted* him to say.

“We’ll have to remedy that,” Chakotay said. “Besides, there’s something else I’d like to show you.”

Kathryn was curious now. “What is it?”

Chakotay shook his head. “Not today. It takes preparation. Tomorrow night, after dinner.”

Kathryn nodded. It was a date.

She took another sip of her drink. “There is something else, Chakotay.” she said. “You’ve been acting... differently today, is something going on that I should know about?”

“Different how?” he asked, only mild challenge in his tone.

“Well, you... You’ve always been confident and capable, but...” She coudn’t seem to put her thoughts into words.

“Are they bad things, Kathryn?”

“No... not at all...” she trailed off. “It’s just that...  I can’t seem to put my finger on it. It’s you, but it’s...”

“Maybe it’s the hair,” Chakotay said, running a hand through the streaking mass.

“Maybe, “ Kathryn murmured. “I like it, by the way,” she added.

“I’m glad,” Chakotay said. “Now, how about some dinner?”

*** *** ***

The next evening when Kathryn arrived, her medicine bundle in hand, she too was dressed casually.  Chakotay smiled in appreciation and led her to the mat he’d stretched out where his coffee table had once been.

As he settled across from her, she commented on the new items. “Why the incense?”

“It’s part of the ceremony.” he answered.

“Ceremony?” she latched onto the word.

“Yes, the one I’m about to invite you to. Like meditation, it relaxes an individual on a spiritual level. But this ceremony is slightly different. It’s something that can be shared between friends: a joint quest.  If you’re not comfortable with the joint quest, then we can do them separately.” He tried not to hold his breath.

Kathryn studied the setup. “What would we have to do for the joint quest?” she asked.

“Hold hands,” Chakotay answered. “It can strengthen the bonds of friendship.”

Her brows raised slightly.  “Will we able to...”

“I won’t be able to see anything you don’t want me to see, and neither will you. It’s simply that embarking on a spirit quest with a companion is a more intense experience than going alone. I wanted to share it with you.”

Kathryn’s insecurities seemed to melt. “Okay,” she reached her hand toward his.

Chakotay took it, held it lightly and smiled into her eyes. Then, getting to business, explained to her what she needed to do.

Together they placed their hands on the akonah.

There was a sharp rush of adrenaline as they joined. And then they were floating. A pair of rocks overlooking a flowing stream appeared before them. Two creatures appeared the near the rocks, silently watching one another.  Chakotay could sense Kathryn’s feelings as she took in the scene, and he know that she would be able to sense his as well.

He opened himself to her, minutely. She responded in kind, drawn in by the power of her own emotions. As they did so, the animals crept closer to one another, circling as if in a dance. Everything became music, the tinkling of the water, the sounds of the winds the beating of hearts.

The creatures danced and played until finally they touched, sending a sharp rush of sensation through their human counterparts. In a final flash of light they merged of one mind. The light was brilliant and the sensations extreme. Kathryn and Chakotay were washed gently out the trance.

Chakotay opened his eyes and stared at Kathryn. She gazed back in shock, her hand tightening reflexively in his.

Drawing in a deep breath and blowing it out. “What happened?” she asked.

Chakotay found he had to fight to control his breathing as well. His body fairly tingled with the after effects of the quest. “I think our animal guides really like each other.”

“Umm... I’ll say.” Then hesitantly, “Would it follow that their humans really like one another?”

Chakotay thought he really would lose his breath then. Especially, as she drew him closer. It took all the strength remaining in him, but he had to pull away from the contact.

“No, Kathryn,” he shook his head. “Of course, it follows that we have deep feelings for one another. But, we shouldn’t go any further than that tonight. We have to allow the affects of the joint quest to wear off. To be sure that what remains is true.”

Kathryn blinked, and released his hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...”

Chakotay smiled reassuringly, and recaptured her hand, kissed it. “Join me here, tomorrow night?”

*** *** ***

The next day when Kathryn arrived on the bridge she looked amazingly well rested, full of energy. The energy continued throughout the day, bounced between the two of them, linking them in thought and deed.

“I know what you did,” Kathryn said during lunch.

“What’s that,” Chakotay asked, smiling into his salad.

“It’s more than just the hair, that’s for sure,” Kathryn said. “I like that, too.”

“Good,” was all he said.

“So, what happens tonight?” Kathryn asked, taking another bite.

“We get to talk about what happened,” he replied.

“Just talk?”

Chakotay shrugged, and refused to say another word on the matter. Kathryn ended up throwing a green roll at him.

*** *** ***

Kathryn arrived that evening with her medicine bundle and a gleam in her eyes. “All right, it’s been twenty-four, no... more like 48 hours and I demand satisfaction.”

“Pardon?” Chakotay raised a brow, feigning ignorance. They’d been far to intuned that day for him not to notice her frustration, or she his.

“What have you done to me, Chakotay?” she asked.

His face fell. “I...uh, nothing really. I didn’t expect...”

“I’m not complaining,” she turned toward him, reassuring. “But I do want you to have this *talk* you mentioned.”

Again Chakotay produced drinks. “Nothing happened that we didn’t want to happen, Kathryn. The quest allows us to see ourselves more clearly through the mirror of someone we trust. In the process, we developed a heightened awareness of one another - which is normal. But it usually wears off in a few hours. In our case, it didn’t.”

“Why didn’t it? Will it eventually? I tell you, I don’t know that I can go around like this for much longer.”

“It didn’t because it was already there. We’d simply buried it under years of trivialities, duty, and all the little things that make up hazardous life in the Delta Quadrant.”

“So what do we do about it?”

Chakotay’s eyes met hers, the answer clear.

“Release it, humm? As you’re aware, I’m not exactly opposed to that idea. How often would you prescribe?”

“Oh, on a regular basis. For sanity’s sake, of course.” Chakotay responded as she walked into his arms. “For sanity’s sake.”
 

The End