Inspiration “It’s all coming back” and “Can’t stop this thing we started”. Lyrics follow. Thank or blame the international lyrics server (www.lyrics.ch) 

She fell back heavily against the door and I just watched her. The way she moved, the way she talked, the way a finger trailed suggestively along the back of the chair I was seated in. Hot didn’t begin to describe the atmosphere in the room. Focus was difficult, but I managed to catch something about Vorik bonding with crew man T’pura in maintenance. Seems that the Doctor had caught and diagnosed his pon farr in time - well, barely. But he promised that the effects on the crew wouldn’t cause any lasting damage. From the look in Kathryn’s eyes lasting damage was a definite possibility. Spirits it was hot. Somewhere between the crew update and a scheduling review we found ourselves on the floor behind my sofa. We did manage to make it to the bed. Later, much later.

That’s where I woke the next morning. Her hair was spread like a sheath across my chest. When I moved, she moved, stretching like a cat that was thoroughly satisfied with itself. She moaned then, her body rubbing languorously against mine. I couldn’t resist running my hands along her bare spine. That was when her eyes opened and her body froze.

-- --
 
I can’t believe I did it! Three years of protocol and in one night I’d thrown it all to the wind.  And of course, the memory of the entire incident... pardon me, incidents was branded across my mind in vivid detail. I’d gone to his quarters with nothing but seduction on my mind. I knew his defenses were weak, hell, non-existent. So were mine. I should have listened to the Doctor and taken the injection - but I hadn’t wanted to. I thought I could handle it.

Of course I apologized, but Chakotay wouldn’t hear it, said that there was nothing to apologize for. I told him that of course it could never happen again. He’d just given me a sad little smile and turned away. No argument.

Serving on the bridge was... painful. I think we both tried too hard to be normal. And Tuvok, I think he could *smell* that something had happened between us. To make matters worse, it was a slow day. So slow that I allowed B’Elanna to run ship wide diagnostics as we made our way toward a planet that had rich supplies of galadium. Otherwise, there was nothing to do but wait.

I tried to concentrate on reports but my mind kept wandering, remembering the way his hands had felt, his lips...  After crossing and uncrossing my legs half a dozen times, readjusting myself in my seat and lowering the room temperature three times, I decided to exercise my captain’s prerogative. I ran and hid in my ready room.

-- --

She stayed in there all day. Some part of me enjoyed the fact that she wasn’t as immune as she pretended to be. I’d seen the way she’s squirmed in her chair, and the way her eyes glazed and her lips parted. I could hear her breathing quickening. If I closed my eyes I could taste her.

Then she’d left. I was forced to be the one to take the blame for lowering the temperature yet again. By the end of duty shift, even Tom was beginning to complain. Harry was due for Beta shift command, so as soon as shift ended I was out of my seat and headed for the turbolift.

As the doors begin to close, I saw a form appear before the doors. They reopened obediently. Her eyes widened slightly and she glanced around the bridge. The crew was beginning to stare. “Carry on,” she said and stepped in.

She settled against the wall and made nervous small talk. I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Kathryn, we need to talk,” I said. She nodded her agreement, and rubbed a hand across her forehead.

“Is it hot in here?”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

She ordered the computer to lower the temperature by 2 degrees. It didn’t like that command. The whole thing just wound down. It came to a stop and the lights dimmed.

Kathryn went immediately into Captain mode, contacting engineering, demanding answers and projected repair time. The answer she got didn’t make her happy. We were stuck for the next 30minutes between decks 3a and 4d. Both decks had been shut down and contained no life support to conserve energy. We weren’t going anywhere.

We talked, or tried to for about 30 seconds and then I found myself looking into her eyes. I tried to cover it and so did she, but the damage was done. That little room began to heat up in earnest. She apologized again for the night before. That wasn’t really where I’d wanted to go, and she’d seen it in my eyes that I didn’t agree with her. She asked what I was thinking, drug it out of me. I told her. Everything. That I didn’t want to stop it. I wanted us to go on, continue.  She fought it - weakly.

Then we were kissing. My hands were all over her, in her hair. A clang came at the turbo-lift door. She just had time to put her hair back up.

-- --
 

He tried to give me flowers. It was a sweet gesture, and the flowers were beautiful. I let him in even though it was late and I knew what was on his mind. He didn’t quite touch me, but the vibes he was sending out may well have been a klaxon. I walked a fine line, determined to keep things to ship’s business. I saw it in his face when he gave up.

He smiled another of his sad smiles and said good night. It was painful to see, so I offered a friendly pat on his hand. He latched on to the motion, engulfing my hand in his, caressing it. I felt as if I’d gone up in flame. By the time his hands were beneath my shirt I came to my senses enough to tell him to stop.

He was a little angry. But I expected that. He should have been. I wanted it, he wanted it - but I kept running hot and cold. I had to for the good of our crew. I didn’t want to think of trying to face a day where we had real problems when all I could think of was him. I could beat this thing. I told him that he had to forget about me.

He left after that.

-- --
 

Sleep didn’t come easy last night. Too bad, since the Rgenians aren’t what we thought they would be. They’d promised to allow us to talk trade with them, seemed very much like a routine mission. No one told us about the war.

At the first sounds of weapons fire I tried to get my team out of there. We reached an inner chamber and called for a beam out. By then the explosion was right on top of us. It hit as we were rematerializing.

-- --
 

It’s been ten days and there is no sign that he’ll ever recover his memory. He doesn’t know who I am. All he seems to remember is some horrible battle. The Doctor said that during the beam out he’d been affected by the death of the one of the Rgenians. He’d lost his sense of who Chakotay was.

B’Elanna had tried telling him stories of their times together. He liked the stories, but they sparked no memories. Today, Tuvok performed a mind meld. He said that Chakotay’s memories were there, but they were hidden behind a barrier that even he hadn’t been able to break without hurting both himself and Chakotay. We hope that with time and continued treatment, he’ll come back to us.

I can hear him crying out. The  nightmare again. He normally rises gets a glass of water and then turns on his console. He’s taken up poetry of all things. The Doctor encourages it - says it may help him break through the wall on his own. Tonight something was different. He cried out and then rose to his feet and then I heard him fall.

I was out of my quarters and into his. He lay on the floor in his bed room. His eyes were opening as I leaned over him, poised to contact the EMH. I froze, noticing something in his eyes. Some deeper recognition than my rank.

“Kathryn?” He called my name. It felt wonderful.

“Chakotay?” The hand that lay on his neck could feel the pounding of his pulse.

He slowly reached up and pulled my head down to his. His expression was more one of curiosity than anything else. When our lips touched I felt the familiar spark of energy.  He pulled back and there was clarity.

He rose into a sitting position, and pulled me tighter into his arms. He murmured my name like a mantra, his eyes squeezed tightly. And then we were kissing again. This time I pulled away. “Chakotay?” I had to know if it was truly him.

“When you touch me, the memories come back. Touch me, Kathryn.”

I touched him. Oh boy, did I touch him.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

(Jim Steinman)
 

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
Al coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And be free
 
 

Can’t stop this thing we started - Bryan Adams.
 

You might stop a hurricane
Might even stop the drivin' rain
You might have a dozen other guys
But if you wanna stop me baby - don't even try
I'm goin' one way - your way
It's such a strong way - let's make it our way

Can't stop this thing we started
You gotta know it's right
Can't stop this course we've plotted
This thing called love we got it
No place for the brokenhearted
Can't stop this thing we started - no way
I'm goin' your way!
 
 

You might stop the world spinnin' round
Might even walk on holy ground
I ain't Superman and I can't fly
But if you wanna stop me baby - don't even try
I'm goin' one way - your way
It's such a strong way - let's make it our way

Can't stop this thing we started
You gotta know it's right
Can't stop this course we've plotted
This thing called love we got it
No place for the brokenhearted
Can't stop this thing we started - no way
I'm goin' your way!

Oh - why take it slow
I gotta know
Nothing can stop this thing that we got