Notes: This story is actually entitled: Painted Desert Series: Powerful Currents as it is story four of a series. All of the stories are to be J/C in nature. Comments, and constructive criticism is strongly encouraged. Don't worry, I'm not fragile... Oh yeah, pure sap...

The rest of the stories can be had via e-mail (Jackeec@aol.com) at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cavern/1841/pds.htm

Legal Stuff: The characters and situations used herein belong to Star Trek and the gang up on Mount Para...in other words, they are not mine... This pursuit is purely for my, and perhaps your enjoyment. Feel free to share with anyone you like as long as no profit is made and the story with disclaimers et al remain intact.

Author's Second Note: Due to requests for Chakotay's response to "Subtle Changes", I give you this bit. It attempts to follow the same style and themes as "Subtle Changes". It is by no means required that you read any of the other PDS stories first to understand this one, but I would recommend at least reading 'Subtle'.

Waters running gently over rocks can smooth even the roughtest edges, and the darkness of night fades gently into dawn, bringing light and life out of the depths of despair. These things happen quietly, softly, while we go briskly about our lives. Today we are here, and tomorrow see how far we've come; and the distance is further than we'd ever have imagined.

Yesterday I stood in a dark and lonely place, no safe harbor or cove of refuge. I stood alone. If then I could have known that each step, each forward motion would bring me gently, irrevocably here, I would have run; thrown fear aside and caution to the wind. Because here is my cove of refuge, my place of strength, my safe harbor. Here I stand not alone.

The days that passed between that yesterday and this today, each individual moment added minutely, step by step, credence to the journey. This is how far I've come. This is how far we've come. Together we stand in a bright place filled with joy and warmth. All the yesterdays and this today will lead us forward.

Chakotay's response:

My yesterday was one of war drums; the sound of thunder and smoke and fury on a dark day. These were the facets of my life; war and destruction, the hope of a near impossible goal shining brightly as reward. The reward should have been the unquestionable possession of every man: freedom and security for home, family and the things we held dear. But as it stood we battled for peace, and vengeance, and justice. Some meaning to the chaos and destruction of our homes.

But there was no peace in the struggle; no meaning for the dead; no solace for the lost. The days were dark and the storms raged on. To surrender was to die. To give up was to banish hope of a future, to relegate those who'd fallen to little more than refuse on the winds. And yet our cause was just. We would fight another day.

But then, everything changed. Almost in an instant.

I, too, began my journey in the delta quadrant on the bridge of Voyager, or rather, looking onto it. One moment I was on my ship, my life as it seemed it had always been, the next everything changed. She appeared on my view screen, beautiful and strong and determined. Almost immediately tiny warnings sounded in my brain, and not only because of the uniform she wore or what it stood for. On some entirely different level she scared the hell out of me.

I told myself that I would be careful, that I could handle this. Content in my ability to do just that, we beamed over and accomplished our mission. In the end, my ship was gone and she'd decided to blow up the array. Her concern for the safety of the Ocampans undid me, even in the face of what that would mean for all of us. Suddenly those tiny warnings were blaring. But it was too late. I was lost to the force of nature that was Kathryn Janeway.

Where I should have seen the vulnerabilities of her crew as a way to gain leverage, I sought ways to strengthen. It's a shocking thing for a warrior to find that he no longer wishes to fight; that that which he once called enemy, he wishes to call friend. I told myself it was logical to help, that it was for the good of both crews and that was true enough. But the largest factor was that I was as much under her spell as the rest of her crew. Her compassionate nature, combined with strength and outright determination had that effect. They believed in her, and so did I.

As her first officer I had a unique opportunity to study her. Beneath the strength and bravery that she showed us every day, I saw something that few others did. Kathryn. The woman behind the mask; that person who was tired and afraid and homesick and lonely, the one who felt the losses of her crew as keenly as her own. It was then that I gave myself over to helping her in anyway I could, to make her burden lighter.

Of course, our methods of 'helping her' weren't always in agreement, and sometimes my temper got the better of me. But we got through it - developed a rhythm. It was strange, being stranded on New Earth almost felt like the next logical procession.

I'd always been secure that I'd kept my feelings well hidden. And I'd had no hope that she might reciprocate even a fraction. But something happened on that planet. Something beautiful and precious. I told her how I felt, handed her my heart on a platter because I trusted that she would deal kindly with me. I was too far gone to do anything else.

The day Tuvok called was painful. The ache came in wave after wave until I couldn't see straight; couldn't breathe. It all happened so fast after that. She found ways to avoid talking about us the rest of our stay, just threw herself into packing and collecting and cataloguing.

When we returned, I didn't want to make things difficult for her. I simply did what I'd always done. I followed her lead. To some degree, I suppose I let her go. But my heart was always hers for the asking. Somewhere between my yesterday and this today my Kathryn returned to me. Fully. Completely.

She graces me with her loving smile every morning. And her simple essence never fails to move me. My today brings me love and a happiness deeper than any I've ever known. My today brings me Kathryn Janeway, love of my life. My heart. My peace.

****

All done. Thanks for reading.

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